Less than 48 hours until my husband and I leave for Egypt to be liberated. My denial has passed and the anxiety is starting to set in. There were periods at work today where I would break out in a sweat thinking of all of the last minute things I needed to do! "Oh no, I need to completely hairless for the procedure!" This was just one of the many thoughts racing through my mind as I attempted to concentrate on my patients addiction and mental health problems. Hence, as I type this, I sit in pain!
The doctor in Egypt has told me to record and take note of some of my current symptoms. I find this hard to do given that I hate complaining and honestly and truly consider myself a blessed individual. However as instructed, I have noticed that yesterday and today I have been extremely fatigued. Not just "tired", but "fatigued." What is the difference you might ask? Well there were times as I drove to work or drove home that I felt that I could just fall asleep at the wheel. I'm sure people suffering with narcolepsy can relate to this overwhelming desire to sleep. I also note cold extremities, slight right-sided foot drop, leg spasms, slight dizziness, and word finding difficulties. I also learned that due to my medication, my white blood cell count is dangerously low. As such, I have stopped taking my medication so that my immune system can somewhat recover before the surgery.
My biggest anxiety is not the procedure but it is leaving my gorgeous 17 month old daughter. I have never left her before for longer than a day at daycare. My parents have graciously offered to look after her at our home.
The health minister recently asked me if I was scared to have this procedure done. Of course, I would certainly feel a lot more comfortable and confident if the procedure was done in my own province by the doctors that I know, trust, and work with, however, I confidently replied that I was far more scared of what my future outcome might be given that if I didn't take this opportunity to slow the progression of my MS course. I explained that my worst fear was if my daughter would have to become my caregiver. I am not only doing this for the benefit of myself, but for my family, and for those that depend on my services as a nurse and a caregiver. I have lots to give and greatly look forward to the future.